Sometimes I wish I could float above everything and separate myself from this world, just to feel what would happen if I didn't have anything to tug on my heart strings for a moment. If deadlines dissolved and the longing for company disappeared for a time, to feel what it would be like to not have to be constantly pushed by Expectation and Satisfaction's hand. Never in a million years would I give up the chance to continue seeing what I can shape in this life, and I know and recognize that my life is more than beautiful. The worlds that I have created for myself are spectacular, but the valleys I have cut and the rivers I have made run too short for me to stop molding a better version of them. In short, If I were gone tomorrow, satisfied as I may be, I know I will have left too short of a story told. Despite my need to continue developing, once in a while when I look up at the moon, I wonder what it would be like to sit with her and just watch and feel certain that I am at peace. The day I can stand in a field and listen to the wind and watch the grass move like waves across a lake and not have to worry if I have to be somewhere or if someone is waiting for me to do something. Life never stops for anyone, it's a concrete block between two steel walls that continues to push us forward. I do not mean to sound like I want to take a break from life, I love to think of the things I will accomplish and the relationships I will create, but the introverted side of me that peeks out a bit more often than the extroverted, wishes I could float in the ether for day. I wish I knew if other people felt this way, or could capture my thoughts with better words than I ever could. The closest people to ever come to this feeling were the transcendentalists. The men and women who felt a divine connection to nature, and came to a sense of enlightenment. Maybe i'll pull a Thoreau and go out into a cabin for a year to try and find what I am looking for while my feet are still on the ground.
Maybe this is why I am so ready to be on my own as an adult; it seems to promise that as I get handed the responsibility of being self sufficient, the freedom I long for gets placed into my pockets when I need to float for awhile.
stay peachy,
Aaron <3
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